1. Angie: thanks for being there for me always my dear.. you've always been a wonderful fren and an amazing girlfriend to me.. you've always been a stronghold for me to hold on to whenever things get tough.. although sometimes u're not as good a listener, you've always been there in rainy and sunny days.. u've always pull me back on track when ever i get lost.. i thank you, u'll always be in my heart, ALWAYS. i wanna say i'm sorry i always gave u heartaches.. forgive me k? LoVeS..
2. Jessica: thanks for always helping me with sku work.. whenever things get stressful, u'll always be there to reassure and giev tips :P thanks big sis.. getting to noe u has been a real great blessing.. sorry for always making fun of ur age [u noe i dun mean it XD] and pulling ur hair! forgive ur small bro eh =p
3. Hasyimah: thanks for being my boss, and being so understanding as my boss! whenever i work with you, u'll always make sure my stress level never go over limit.. thnx :D whenever i nd help, ur hand is sure to be thr! thnx! im sorry if i've been a pain in the neck! XD
4. Mei Qin: u've been a wonderful fren in my life, particuliarly especially since we noe each other for 12 yrs.. LOL.. im thankful tat our paths cross again, and i wanna thank u for always being thr to guide me and advice me! thnx for being such a gd fren.. sorry if i pissed u off XD
5. BeL: Thanks for being a panda! n a gd classmate n a wonderful fren.. n thnx for always keepin me in ur prayers.. i noe it always helps.. sorry if i stepped on ur tail!!XD
6. Clara:Thanks for always giving me a big responsibility to be a big bro!! and thnx for always being thr to talk with when i dun feel right!! sorry if i switch off ur power supply [pun intended] XD
7. Li Mei: thanks for being a wonderful sis, a marvelous fren a constant nightmare [of wearing skirt] LOL!! thanks for always rmb-ing me especially since im of no bld relationship with u.. really appreciate it.. thanks =)
8. Seri: thanks for letting me be ur grandson!! sorry if i bothered u all the time with ur hp!!XD
9. Mei Leng: Lao Bu! Gam Xia! =p
10. Ashley: thanks for always singing old songs with me!! if not sure damn lonely one =p
11. Sabina: thanks for always "din" my mouth! make my life shorter!! hahas thanks for always being there to scold me when i seriously nd some!! hahasXD
12. WaiHung, EekEE, WenLi: thanks for being such wonderful teammates.. im sure i cudn't have survived without u gals.. thanks..
13. Jinat, Yoga: thanks for always keepin me smile and making class interesting!! XD thanks for being good tem players!!
14. Special thanks to aminah: thanks for being such a joy during classes and attachments! i'll never never never never never [N I never would dare] to forget u!!!
15. all the other frens and classmates i've missed out: i've not forgotten u guys, juz tat i dunno how to express my gratitude.. thank you.. for without ALL of you, there wouldn't be me!

Reason y i chose this topic: all my regrets and sadness, all gone----- because, i was never alone.

Saturday, October 6, 2007

ChApTeR 15: StArTiNg AnEw!!

WoW! GoD NoEs wHen WaS tHe LaSt TiMe i BlOGgEd eH!! hAhAs!! Today my topic is starting anew.. well, i supposed i'm recovering from many things, but well, its about time i start all over again! LOL..

As you all may know, i was having my attachments up till recently (actually its already been a week, :P), but well, attachments was fun! I love AH man!! anyway, my first week of holidays was DAMN BORING man!! (of coz it wud be, when its only you and you alone having holidays..) man i miss my classmates!! hope to see them sooooooooooooon!!! ytd went to chinatown with some of the dudes from SGH!! [including: jess, wenli, wattyee and angie, and of coz, me!] So we went and as usual, the gals did shopping.. (of coz, wad to expect?) I juz stood around and gave opinions.. LOL.. den we went to eat noodles for dinner [at 1630 hrs]. den i told myself, who the heck eats dinner at 4 plus?? gosh it was kinda crazy.. hahas..

But of coz, our main purpose was to help wenli find the place to send $$$ back to china! so we walked around and *puff* comes the fairy godmother, (juz joking). we ended up in OG instead.. LOL wenli was complaining tat she was SOOOOOOOOOo tired! hahas.. we walked around in OG and of coz, as usual, they shopped and look at the clothes.. LOL.. then we went on to my favorite corner, TOYS!!! yay! be4 tat, we found some kiddo wedding gown and guess wad, jess can fit it!! wow next time she do fitting muz do in OG liao! (she'll definitely kill me if she sees this!!) hahas.. anyway, we saw on a kiddo board writing: syimah is a yellow monkey =), ma'am u muz have offended some kid ar!! hahas..

After tat, we went on to the shopping centre beside and found wad we came for, the place to send money! hahas, finally, thought wenli. Be4 we left, we had ice-cream and a session of photo-taking.. LOL.. hahas.. and on the train angie keep trying to imitate china ppl!! So irritating eh.. somemore so crowded.. hahas.. later got other china ppl hear den we in trouble.. LOL.. Some pics and my quotation of the day:

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. [Mark Twain US humorist, novelist, short story author, & wit (1835 - 1910) ]

*PS. next post will be the tag roshini and angie gave me!!

he writes.

Saturday, September 1, 2007

ChApTeR 14: i LoVe HiM So mUch... iT hUrTs...

My ToPiC ToDaY iS pAiNfuL.. iT rEaLLy iS..
WenT back to sec school for a church event "kopi-o-kosong".. talk about how people can be so empty in love without christ.. i applied to my life, and i knew it was more than thru.. i knew it was my bro's bday tml so i bought him along so his frens cud celebrate for him.. true enuf his gang of frens came with bday cake and presents to celebrate with him after the event was over.. i was more than happy for him of coz.. but i realize something more..

as i look at their happy faces while they sang bday songs and laughed along.. i realise i cudn't identify with them.. i wasn't familiar with this scene at all.. i had never had frens by my side with presents and laughter.. or teasing each other with cakeprints all over the face.. i had never gone thru those.. i felt really empty.. i felt... envious.. i held my tears.. no way was i gonna cry in front of my juniors.. absolutedly NO WAY..

after the fun and laughter my n my bro went back to my grandma house.. For ANOTHER round of CELEBRATION.. while on the bus we talked about how fortunate he was getting so much attention.. he wasn't the least appreciative tho.. on the bus i felt another urge of sorrow in me.. nvr had i felt so sorry for myself.. tears came to my eyes.. i wasn't going to cry.. i told myself.. i prayed to GOD, "pls help me..", but the more i prayed, tears found their way out.. i wept silently.. in the bus.. PATHETIC...

at my grandma house, i stood by my laptop and played games.. i wud rather drown myself in games than to think bout it.. played till dinner and we had such a FEAST.. it was out of the ordinary.. F***ing bias, i told myself. but i prayed hard i would not hate anyone for it.. i enjoyed the dinner anyway... went downstairs to a "arcade" and we played billiard with me, my bro and my uncle.. had quite alot of fun..

But i dreaded going up.. i knew we were going to cut the cake we bought in the morning.. went up, they sang bday songs for him.. cut the cake and round of photos.. i asked myself.. when was the last time THEY sang MY bday song.. probably 5 years ago.. i cudn't take JOYFUL occasion and went back in the room.. i told myself not to hate him.. he WAS my brother.. i loved him.. yet the envy i had really made it so painful.. i started to tear silently again in the room.. he asked me whether i wanted a piece of the cake..

I refuse.. i simply refuse to eat the cake.. i hated cakes.. i hate cakes.. i will always hate cakes.. i cudn't stop thinking and swelling my eyes with tears on the way home.. yet.. no one notices any difference in my behavior.. well.. im really invisible..

i felt a stranger in the church.. i felt i didn't belong.. i felt a stranger among my brother's frens.. i felt i didn't belong.. i felt a stranger within my family.. i felt i didn't belong.. i feel like a stranger in this world.. maybe i really dun belong...

Frens who read this post, especially ANGIE: pls pls.. i beg of u.. leave me alone on my birthdate.. i wanna be alone.. i dun wanna go thru this pain anymore.. juz let me be.. im really tired of crying.. i tot i was immune to tears after my grandpa died.. i was wrong.. it was juz too painful i cudn't stop tearing.. i tot live was empty without christ.. life is still empty now, even with HIM..

Sorrow was like the wind. It came in gusts.
[Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings]

he writes.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

ChApTeR 13: gAtHeRiNgS Vs pArTiNgs.. AtTaChMeNtS vS HoLiDaYs..

AtLas.. LoNg AwAiTeD HoLiDaYs.. Or iS iT So?? My ToPiC obViOuSLy DiSaGrEe.. LOL..

TO those who waited long enough, congrats, but i'm gonnA be out on attachments.. :(.. *sob sob*.. but nonetheless, hope i have fun learning though!! anyway, had a gathering with my NUH ward 55 mates!! STEAMBOAT!! It was a painful but fun experience (got my hands all pricked and burned).. I guess all u gals are gonna have so much "fun" trying to lose weight eh?? =p Here are some exclusives of us:

A part of the NUH ward 55 gang!!

Having Lots of fun CooKiNg!

CaUgHt oFF GuArD!! LOL!!

Man.. She LookS uNgLaM (potato clarice.. oops >.<)

Gee.. wad was i staring at?? [i look SOOOOO Blur..] o.O

OuR PrETtY CaMeRa LaDY CaUgHt oN PiCtUre.. LOL..

AfTer all the fun, i guess its time to prepare my heart for my attachments.. hope u guys and gals enjoy the holidays.. dun forget me!! i'll end the post with a enlightening quotation:
The important thing is not to stop questioning. [Albert Einstein, US (German-born) physicist (1879 - 1955)]

he writes.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

ChApTeR 12: Am i rEaLLy NuTs?? AbOuT dOuGhNuTs??

WhY DouGhNuTs?? SeEms LiKe eVeRy1's QuEuEiNg uP fOr iT rEceNTly.. WonDer Wad's wRoNg WiF oUr TaStEbUds.. Oh NO!!! iS iT A DouGhNuT aLiEn AttAck??? HaHa!! GueSS i'M rEaLLy GoiNg NutS @<.>@

These few days really driving me nuts eh... Study, eat, sleep, play, study, eat, sleep, play.. endless cycle of boredom.. hahas.. no choice.. have to do this.. therefore, today a special guest came to my house to study, sleep, eat and QUEUE for doughnuts!!! no other den my DEAR ANGIE!! hahas.. (expected.. who else wud i queue doughnuts with.. LOL =p) anyways, some pics of the doughnuts i bought..

People queing for doughnuts!!! (not alot tho, compared to doughnut factory)

Doughnuts on the outside [the box i mean] (Lame.. -_-"")Doughnuts Angie bought =p

MiiE DouGHnuTs!!!

Short post but i'll end with a doughnut quotation!!

“Between the optimist and the pessimist, the difference is droll. The optimist sees the doughnut; the pessimist the hole!” [oscar quotation]

he writes.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

ChApTeR 11: ReCaP oF mY AtTaChMeNtS

WeLL I sUppOsEd SoMe oF U ppL oUt tHr nOeS TaT i WaS oN AttAcHmEnTs Eh? this episode, i'm gonna share a little on my experience with the kids in paeds[no pics tho, coz i'm not allowed to take pics]

Anyway, first day was rather boring [all of us wud have agreed coz the sister and the CI(ah leong) was super the long winded] LOL.. anyway, we had a LONG LONG LONG LONG lecture time [until we almost fell asleep], and orientation in the ward. For the next few days [2,3], we did simple things like para and sponging, until sister got scolded by another tow kay neo[big boss lady], and decided to give us a new task----- WRITE REPORT!!!

AND WowWoWoWow, it wasn't supposed to be in our syllabus until year 3, or perhaps year 2 sem 2, but no, sister wouldn't listen. She insisted it be compulsory, and said we would fail the posting if we didn't meet her expectations.. PooR MooN and a few of my frens got into some deep shit for not being able to write for the 1st few days.. LOL.. but they ,anage to get thru tho.. Anyway, we manage to pull thru the tough days..

The staff nurses and ANs there were DAMN nice.. nothing to say bout tat.. tho some may look abit siao siao, but, they're really VERY VERY VERY de nice.. at least nicest in NUH i wud say.. LOL.. really nvr regret working there.. Tat's about all i wud say for my posting..

*special section for me besties*: Thanks guys, and gals for supporting me when times get tougher.. tho they say "when the going gets tough, the tough gets going", but i guess i wud nvr have gone this far without u guys.. THNX a MiLLion..

I'll end with the quote of the day:
Without friends no one would choose to live, though he had all other goods.
[Aristotle, Nichomachean EthicsGreek critic, philosopher, physicist, & zoologist (384 BC - 322 BC)]

he writes.

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

ChApTeR 10: gOiNg AgAiNsT mySeLf..

aPoLoGiEs tO mY fReNs fOR noT BloGGinG fOr qUiTe SoME tiME.. ReAsOn bEiNg:
1) I've tot i've been having some problems with my health
2) I've gone thru tons and tons of checkups, with no results
3) I've been rather busy with attachments, and VERY exhausted
4) Doctor recently told me, nothing's wrong with my health
5) He added that i should see a counsellor since it might be anxiety disorder
6) I'm on counselling, which means i've absolute NO MOOD to blog...

However, due to some forseen and unforseen circumstances, i've been requested to blog. Therefore, here i am. LOL..
Tons and tons of stuff i wanna throw up, but juz tat i dunno wad to throw.. but i've been really depressed these few days. I feel really messed up.. No mood to study, no mood to play, no mood to even talk.. not to anyone.. juz feel like i shld be alone.. I've really not been getting enough slp.. but i really dunno y.. perhaps my frens were right... I really think too much.. Told this to the "psycho" doctor.. she told me it's not really my fault... some people do face such a problem of not being able to control their own tots and emotions.. But although she didn't verbalise it, i really noe tat it relates me somehow to psychiatric conditions [perhaps schizophrenia].. DARN.. somehow i wish i was knock down by a car and coma for 3 mths.. {oops, someone's gonna kill me :P} MaN!! gimme a break..

DAMN it.. guess i'LL really have to work harder to go against myself.. Who'S with me???
It's all right letting yourself go as long as you can let yourself back. [Mick Jagger, English rock singer (1943 - )]

he writes.