Tuesday, June 26, 2007
ChApTeR 7: 私は失敗した
ToDaY mArKs tHe DaY oF aN aVaLaNcHe.. An aVaLaNcHe sO GrEaT iT BuRiEd mE aLoNg WiTh iT... My title today's in japanese... it says "I have failed"... To a great extend, i realise this was true all this while... I have, indeed, failed... As a student, i failed to work as hard as before... As a son, I have failed to be someone of importance in the family... As a brother, i have failed to gain respect for my younger siblings... AND as a HUMAN BEING, i've failed to realise, that i've been a failure all this while... [I've failed, because i never realise how much i've failed... I laugh, because i never realise how foolish i was... I cry, because of how high i climbed, and how painful it was to fall from that height]
I once told someone, look at the direction of the sunlight, and u'll see hope... Now, i look at myself, and i laugh... I laugh! at how foolish i was to thought of it that easily... no... it wasn't tat easy... now, i don't see the HOPE i once promised... HOW HILARIOUS...
I've always wanted someone in my family, to understand me, to support me when i'm weak... But guess wad, i guess i dun always get what i want... no one in my family look up to me... NO ONE in my family understands me... NO ONE in my family realise that i exists... NO ONE!!! no one... I cry... not because they dun give a damn... but because i care too much... SO much effort i put in to be a filial son... yet they appreciate the rebellious one more... So much effort i put in, to build good terms with the only brother i have... yet he despises me for everything i do... now, alas... the time comes when i need support... when the avalanche comes... when do i take shelter? where shld i seek help from??
SPEAK NO MORE... I HAVE FAILED... 私は失敗した...
If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style. [Quentin Crisp]
